Life of a Dog

Every morning when i wake up, the first thing i think of is how much longer will it take for the old human that feeds me and bathes me to wake up. 

I lie on the cold hard blue tiles that stinks of dust, dirt, pee and poop while waiting for the sound of footsteps from the inside.

I hear a clicking sound and the little white light bulb turns off and the old human opens the curtains and front gate. 

I wag my tail thinking its time to eat.

But the human comes out, grabs the broom and dustpan and scolds me saying: "Look at this! You played with your shit again did you? Football? "

I thought "What's a football? Is it delicious? Can i eat it?"

I watch as the old human washes the spot where i pooped and peed, "Ok I'll poop and pee in a different spot later so that the human won't think was me again".

Breakfast is served and i gobble everything down without chewing.

Oh no! I'm choked again!

I see the big Golden Retriever having his morning walk with his human again.

I rush to the gate, wag my tail and bark. 'WOOF! WOOF!' hoping he'll come to me to have a sniff.

Unfortunately he ignores my little puppy bark and carrieds on with his walk. Jerk.

I walk back to my little nap area to wait for the other humans to wake up. They'll take me for a walk.

What's taking those humans? The sun is sizzling my furry little puppy ass on the tiles! Let me in the house you damn humans! This is abuse!

I try to climb through the gap of the gate but the humans installed netting at the bottom of it.

I tried jumping through it like how i used to but the excess fats that i gained over the past couple months wasn't helping.

At last the human that plays with me has woken up. 

He opens that gate and i dash in to get away from the sizzling tiles onto the cool tiles inside the house.

I felt like sleeping again but then i smelled a very delicious aromatic scent.

It was coming from that weird area where I'm not allowed to cross.

The second human who plays with me emerged from that weird area holding a platter of paradise.

How come my food doesn't smell as good as this?

I tried begging, I tried cuddling and for God's sake I even resorted to acting cute which is so not my thing.

After all of that embarrassing act all I got was a pat on the head. *Pfff...*

Fine, human. I won't share my doggie food with you either.

The first human that plays with me tried to secretly give me a piece of that golden shiny crispy looking meat but the old human caught us.

I was given my favorite JerHigh instead.

*Mmm...* Humans make good dog treats. *Mmm...*

I hear heavy footsteps and the human that walks or rather runs with me has come down from the staircase.

This human never feeds me. All he does is mess up my head that is nicely combed to the side and say stupid things like "Good boy...! Good boy...!"

I know I'm a good boy you idiot human.

After that the old human kicked me out of the house because i stayed in there for too long.

Fine. It's time for me to poop anyway.

It embarrassing to poop because the humans are always watching.

I see them pointing at me, some laughing, some shouting.

It's just poop. Don't tell me humans don't poop?

A different human washes my poop this time.

The old human was busy sitting at her little corner of papers where I'm not allowed to cross.

At last the sun is setting and it's almost time for me to go walking.

But before that I should earn some snacks.

I stand on my hind legs, try to balance as long as possible and yes the humans notice me.

They sound so silly when i do this.

But i get cuddles, pats and treats so what's there to complain?

I see the human going for my harness and leash.

The overexcited me jumped towards the human and almost knock him over.

The human takes me on our usual route to the playground.

Neighboring dogs start barking 'What are you looking at pup!?', 'Hey wanna sniff my butt?', or 'Get me that rock over there'.

Sometimes i stop and stare at them and say: "Haha you're in I'm out!" I'm a good boy but sometimes I can be bad.

We reach the playground and i start sniffing the earth, trash, other dog's poop, and whatever there is to sniff.

Then from the side of my eye, I see the old Dalmatian dog that always get to run around freely unlike me who's always on the human's leash and harness. Please~ like as if I'm gonna run~

Every time when i wanna get close to the old Dalmatian my human tugs me and says 'Cannot!' or 'No!'

What's the big problem dude!? I'm not stopping you from getting close to other humans!

And like that my day at the playground was over and was dragged home for dinner.

Dinner? YES FOOD !!!

What?? No special chicken teriyaki? No special seafood gourmet? No lamb bits with gravy?

You mean I had that yesterday? Don't play with me human! I want my chicken teriyaki whether you understand me or not!

Ok so you don't understand me. Whatever just gimme my dinner.

And like that the cycle repeats itself like every other day with the same old routines. 

This is my life as a dog.

- Rascal