Hey.......

I feel old
Even though i don't LOOK old...
But i just feel...

Old

Why is that?

Maybe...

Maybe because people i thought would always
be kids are actually growing up...

Maybe because i'm still wishing time would just reverse
itself to the way it used to be before everything changed...

Maybe because im afraid people would leave
me behind if i keep dragging on...

I've never liked changes...
Especially major changes...

I think i'm trying too hard to keep my old friends around me...
Organizing a gathering, a trip, lunch dates, dinner buddies...
Sometimes they're full of crap but they're still my long time friends
and i don't wanna lose them...


I'm gonna share something here alright...
It's not everyday i spill the other side of me here so...

I noticed this of me awhile back...

Im often afraid to be alone with a friend...
Weird right
Im not even sure why...
I always wish it's not a 1 on 1 outing with a friend...

I got this defense mechanism where i automatically distance myself
after i've become really really really good friends with someone...

I hate that...
And i hate MSN...
Ok msn was irrelevant...


Please don't suggest that i need a therapist...