Restlessness = Over Thinking and Panic Attacks

I always do this to myself and end up restless in bed.

Blaming the dreaded undying mosquitoes that haunts my feet in the dark.

Tossing and turning wishing I'd just fall off my single bed, slam myself onto my forever dusty parquet floor and get over the fact that something is on my mind and I can't get rid of it unless I'm busy cussing at something like my stupid floor.

I get like this every once in awhile because I'm not a verbal person.

I hate talking about serious stuffs like being all emotional, revealing my inner thought... *bleeeeeeh*

You can try but there's no way in hell that I would crack, unless you give me a few glasses of soju, beer, and rice wine together or else I would either lie, distract, joke, or runaway to avoid talking about it,

Yes, so if you think you had a serious talk with me in the past, it's probably fabricated just to get you to shut up about it.



The point of my rambling here is about co-op drawing nearer and I don't want to make disappointing and regretful decisions because it's my last time one.

I can't talk to my family because we're typical Malaysians if you know what I mean.

I can't talk to my friends because they'd either be omg super optimistic about it or they'd ask me the serious question, "What's wrong?"

Most of the time I wish to know there is someone exactly like me somewhere out there with the same fears, same confusions, same mindset.

How can I be so dependant on other people so badly??

Seriously, 18 year olds, fresh out of high schools are ready to stay alone hundreds of km away from home to go to college and I'm scared of this damn co-op. #wtf #omfg



I guess this is all I have to say at 3.40AM.

People do think a lot when they can't sleep which often results in being emo the whole day.