11 days

Today is the 29th of March.
My last post was 11 days ago. Within that 11 days, i thought of blogging about something fun that happened but something within that 11 days kinda erased all of those happy funny memories that i originally planned to blog about and replaced it with anger, disappointment, frustration, and whatever negative feeling you can think of.

19 years of my life I've never fought with anyone. Not physically nor orally. Well orally yea but we always end up seeing who loses and have to buy the winner Pizza for lunch. Seriously, there's a Pizza Hut out side my school and it happened and i lose most of the time. It seemed that my friend had some training with her bad ass mouth to have able to shut me up preventing me from fighting back. In the end almost every month we end up back in pizza hut where i empty my purse for her Pizza. Lame way for a winning prize~ But it was good training for a face to face argument. It came in handy 3 days ago.

This time i didn't have problems choking at my own words because back in high school my mandarin vocabulary wasn't good so my friend had the advantage at biting my head off whenever we argued. And that was why i always had to pay for the Pizza. Damn it~

This time it was fair. Both used the same language we were best at and~ it turned ugly until facebook got spammed *Sorry~!!!* It was also my 1st face to face serious argument. Why do people fight? Is it to show how much power you have ? How much influence you have over others? Or how scary you can be? I used to think fighting could be fun. I never thought of the outcomes some arguments or fight could have. How much the pain stays with you. How your actions affected others around you. Regrets of the words you spat out of your mouth and can never take back.

I hear people talk about their own fights and arguments and wonder what i would have done. Would i have fought until one of us loses? Avoid that person until the end of time? When a fight happens, there'll always be 2 sides of the story. Each believing in their own story and fights to stay innocent no matter what. Some seek backup people for support and the fight gets bigger like a fire spreading from one end to another. When the fire dies out, only ashes remain. Places that the fire had burned will never look like it used to be.

Suddenly i start thinking why the hell am i getting in such a serious blogging attitude for?? Its not like my English teacher is gonna grade it~ Even if she wants to grade it...she's gotta learn how to use the Internet 1st~ LOL !!!

Anyway, my argument didn't end well. I walked away later and I'm glad i did or else i would have said or done something that will only make it worse like i always do. Make things worse even when it wasn't intentional. Instead i kicked the poor white wall on my way to the staircase. I was gonna go down but my friend that was experiencing the problems with the same people made me sit at the stairs to cool off which only helped 50%. But the same argument started again...this time it was cyber...we did it online that same day. I didn't know that getting that angry could make your head feels like it's squeezing the blood out of it. Makes you wanna drill a hole to relief the pressure built in it. We're gonna see each other again on Monday, we'll see how awkward we all get.

Part of me felt excited about the argument and the other part just wished we didn't have to do it. Weird huh...excited about a fight of your own~ It would have been fine if it was with a stranger. But that person wasn't a stranger.